So it's less than a week until the big day. If you have small children like mine then you are probably worried that they may just explode by Christmas Eve. I have been watching A Muppets Christmas Carol and reminiscing about days gone by. Here are some of my pearls of wisdom that I have learnt from Christmas' past.

1. No matter how much planning you do, the kids will throw you a curve ball near the date. They may have been asking 5 months solid for a pirate ship, however, as the day draws near they will have completely changed their mind and be requesting a water pistol. When this happens just remind them they have a Birthday. If they have just had a birthday just tell them that the years go faster as they get older and they will get a water pistol before they know it.

2. When your 4 year old asks for a toy cucumber for his play kitchen, don't type it into Google. There are some perverted people out there!

3. Don't let your husband put away the Christmas food shop. We are still looking for the broccoli and Paxo that disappeared 5 years ago. 

4. It is perfectly ok for everyone to live off chocolate on Christmas Day. Infact it is a bonus when your Christmas dinner is delayed down to lack of broccoli and stuffing. (See point 3.)

5. Dried mint is not a substitute for fresh mint in a Mojito.

6. Young children should be reminded that Santa delivers their present downstairs and not in the Stocking. Big man was distraught at 7am on Christmas morning when he was 3 as Father Christmas had put a sodding satsuma in his stocking instead of a camera. Middle man on the other hand is more excited over fruit in his stocking than any other present he receives.

7. If when cleaning on 23rd Dec you find your husband has unexpectedly bought you an expensive gift. Fear not, garden centre's are open and who wouldn't want a bug house and some pickles for Christmas?

8. You've made it through Christmas Day - well done. Now whatever you do, don't think it's a good idea to watch the Mickey Flanagan DVD that your sister brought your parents for Christmas. No matter what. No matter how funny she has told you it is. There is nothing funny about a sketch about tea bagging when you are watching it with your parents. It is even less funny when they are laughing.

Now go forth and have a Merry Christmas. And if all else fails drink wine. Lots of it. Especially if you haven't headed my warning on point 8.

Thanks for reading this year!