I have said it before and I will say it again. Soft play is my kind of hell on earth. Having visited them for the best part of 7 years the novelty has certainly worn off. I have to say I find watching other people's snotty children wipe their face on a foam block that your child then immediately licks is kind of off putting. 

So why am I here writing from soft play hell? 

Well it's raining, I haven't left the house for 2 weeks due to poorly children and it's better than watching Bing on repeat play all day. Looking around though I am surrounded by like minded people. All having bought their little ones here to tire them out as much as possible and to have a cup of tea without interruption. 

So who do I see? 

Well there's a couple of Mummy groups. They just want to meet their friends and have a chat without their little ones continuously interrupting. It also has the added bonus that you don't have to squash 6 mums and 12 kids into one of the poor Mum's living rooms.

There's a Grandmother who is more than likely hoping that her Grandson will be so tired out from playing here that he will have a nap this afternoon and not scatter building bricks over her entire and pristine house. 

There is what I believe to be a first time Mum. A bit of an assumption I know, but she is the only adult that is on the soft play equipment that is enjoying playing with her child. I vaguely remember those days with big man. Soft play was a novelty then, a place to enjoy together, not the place to grab 5 mins of me time. 

There's a new mum of 2. Oh how I remember those days. Thank God they are over. It's not like she's even getting a break. She's sat with her 4 month old in the babies section whilst the older brother is competing for attention. Then she gets two minutes to herself while rhythmically rocking the baby seat to get them off to sleep. 

Then there is me. I might look like a social media obsessed woman who can't be away from her phone. Well they are probably right, but please don't judge, I have been doing this soft play thing for a long time. The novelty wears off. Infact I'm not sure how I ever did it. So far this morning I've hurt my wrist and banged my knee. I am clearly too big/old for this soft play lark.

So there we go, my morning of people spotting complete. 

Do you recognise yourself? 

And most importantly, did it work?

You bet it did!